just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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