I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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