it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
