worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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