just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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