you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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