Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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