There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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