okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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