my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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