You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
