So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize