so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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