Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
