He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
