Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
