He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
