Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
