I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
