So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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