I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
