Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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