worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
