Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize