Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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