watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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