You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
