you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I touched a dick in church today
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