Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
