Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize