i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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