hotel room ftw
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
