Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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