kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
