happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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