I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
