Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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