Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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