Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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