There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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