i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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