I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
