Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize