im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
