I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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