meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize