i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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