I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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