Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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