We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
