i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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