How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
