: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize