His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
