Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
