The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
