im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My hand turned me down
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
