don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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