I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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