508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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