I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
