I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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