We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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