the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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