so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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