I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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