just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
