I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
