dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
