if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
