I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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